


I Could Never Leave You If I Wanted To

by pandemoniax3



Series: Say A Little Prayer For You [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Sex, Bottom Castiel, Bullying, Dean Being an Asshole, Dean Being an Idiot, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gay Bashing, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt Castiel, Internalized Homophobia, Jock Dean, M/M, Mpreg, Nerd Castiel, Pregnant Castiel, Reunions, Rimming, Sexual Content, Teen Pregnancy, Teenage Parents, Top Dean, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-15
Updated: 2014-08-15
Packaged: 2018-02-13 07:07:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2141688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandemoniax3/pseuds/pandemoniax3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a nightmare. A reoccurring nightmare that reiterated and reminded Castiel of the day he found the little blue ‘+’ to the moment he lost everything and everyone he loved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Could Never Leave You If I Wanted To

**Author's Note:**

> Yo, another fic I thought I could upload. I was writing this like... on and off yesterday and I loaded off like 10 pages last night, until like 4 in the morning.  
> Smut, dude. Like, I've never done that before. So I hope you like it..
> 
> Unbeta'd, just fyi. So any mistakes are my own and I hope you do enjoy this.  
> I like mpreg. Just saying. :p
> 
> Oh, and brief homophobia in this fic, just to let you know.  
> In no way am I homophobic, two of my best friends are gay, but this is just for the sake of story telling.  
> So just shut up and enjoy, but if this is not your cup of tea... then do the former and shut up. Enjoy. (:

Castiel walked through the front doors of the Gas n’ Sip that sat right around the corner of his dingy, little, one bedroom apartment. He was rubbing his hands quickly together to get the blood flowing before quickly pulling off his snowed-on puffy jacket, worn down wool scarf and hat as he rushed to the employee lounge to put up his things and put on his blue vest for his shift. He was ten minutes late, due to the tossing and turning the previous night, courtesy of the growing, little, baby girl incessantly kicking on his bladder from dusk until dawn. Although he was bleary eyed and he was tired; he wouldn’t give _her_ up for anything in the world.

Carefully tugging the vest around his rounded belly and rushed to the bathroom to make sure he looked somewhat presentable for work. He had deep, dark bags under his blood-shot eyes and his hair wouldn’t allow itself to be tamed for whatever reason; and if nobody knew better than the bulging belly protruding from his front, they would’ve thought he was just getting off a bender.

Castiel scoffed to himself quietly as he washed his hands quickly and walked out to begin his early morning, 6 o’clock shift, restocking and cooking the breakfast taquitos and nachos. He started to brew the coffee and made sure the register had enough change in it. Still, he honestly couldn’t believe that this was his life now. At the age of 17, he was kicked out of his home, he lost his best and only friend, who was also the father of his baby, and he had dropped out of high school in order to preserve and support himself and his coming baby.

The nights that Castiel could actually get a decent night’s worth of sleep, he dreamt. It was either a good dream, where he and Dean were going to raise their baby together and grow old together with love in their hearts as fresh and new as the day they realized that they did indeed love each other. Or, it was a nightmare. A reoccurring nightmare that reiterated and reminded Castiel of the day he found the little blue ‘+’ to the moment he lost everything and everyone he loved.

Sure, Castiel was heartbroken and he was distraught, but in the end, all he really needed was the knowledge that his baby girl was going to be okay and healthy, and that he was going to take care of and cherish her for as long as he lives.

For the first couple of months, the memory ran itself over and over in his head at least once a day, but after a while; he learned to deal with the consequences of his actions. He packed up what little possessions he had in a luggage case and he left his house without looking back. He showed up at Dean’s house, tears and snot running down his face and was embraced by the individuals of the family, Dean hugging him the hardest. He couldn’t answer them as to why he was kicked out, in fear of the consequences that Dean would have to face in turn.

It was your typical love story; Castiel was the nerd, the bullied individual who wore thick-rimmed glasses and kept his head down in the hallways, while Dean was the jock. He was popular and the quarterback of the Lawrence High Lion’s football team. He had decent grades and he had girls hanging from his arms and throwing themselves at him, but he still made time for Castiel. It was because of this that Castiel resolved to admiring and crushing on Dean from the sidelines, he didn’t want to ruin his best and only friendship with the most popular boy in school because he wanted to make a move on him.

It was one thing for the jock to be best friends with the nerd, but it was a whole different ballgame if the jock was best friends with the _openly gay_ , nerd. They grew up together, living a couple blocks away from each other and having the same teachers and classes from kindergarten all the way the beginning of high school, before class choices got in the way and the two were finally thinking about their futures and college. Well, Castiel more so than Dean, but he helped Dean reach his goals to the best of his abilities.

No, Dean was an alpha male. He was a manly-man who loved a nice figure and a large set of tits with a great ass to match. He was the type of guy who adored and idolized his father from the get go and want to join the military from a young age to be just like his father. He loved muscle cars and sports and he loved classic rock. Of course he wasn’t gay, or in the least bi; and even if he were, what were the chances that he would _ever_ look at Castiel the way he looked at Dean? It was unfeasible.

In the first couple of days that he lived at the Winchester’s, Castiel decided that the best move to make in his precarious situation was to find a job and eventually move out of said home to live in his own apartment. It was the best solution he had in mind in order to raise his child. His saving grace was that he was only about a month into his pregnancy, so his stomach was still flat and lean with a little soft touch. Obviously, Dean found it strange when Castiel went and sent out job applications.

_“C’mon dude, you don’t have to find a job. What about school? Studying? You love studying, you can’t give that up!” Dean was lying on his back in bed, throwing a ball up in the air and catching it. Castiel was laying on his side on the floor, picking through multiple job applications. He didn't want to risk lying on his stomach and harming the baby in any way._

_“I know my studies are important, but I can’t rely on your family forever, Dean. I also want to experience having a job in high school; it seems… cool.” Castiel was alternating between doodling on a spare piece of paper and actually filling in information for his job. He was determined to find a place to live sometime soon enough. Once he was situated, he was planning on telling Dean exactly the reason why he was kicked out and that he loved him. Castiel nodded once, making a promise to himself that even he cannot break. It was a way that got him to stick to certain things if they made him nervous and such._

           

“Castiel? Are you okay, sweetheart? You look like you’re about to fall over.” His boss and the manager of the gas station, Nora’s face came into his view. He hadn't realized he was staring blankly in front of him from behind the cash register. He blinked a couple of times before turning to look back at her, nodding hesitantly.

“Yes, Ms. Clarke. I’m fine, really.” Castiel tried but failed to give her a convincing smile. Nora frowned even harder, looking at Castiel with a look of motherly fondness.

“Now, sweetheart; I told you to call me Nora,” she chided. She looked closer and placed the back of her palm against his forehead.  “You’re not sick are you? Sweetie, are you eating properly and taking your prenatal vitamins? Have you been getting enough sleep?” Castiel blushed at her scrutiny, shaking his head before replying.

“No… _Nora_ , I am not sick. I am eating _enough_. I am taking my vitamins, and I can do with a little less sleep. I’ll be fine.” Castiel didn’t know that a frown could get any deeper if he hadn't seen the look of disapproval and disbelief on her face. He knew he was terrible at lying; he wasn't even that good at bending the truth a little.

One problem that Castiel had with working at the Gas n’ Sip station was that he was paid enough to barely get by a month. At 8 months, he was always hungry and craving something. He was always tired and he would doze off at random times because of his lack of sleep. He would try to eat enough a day if he could afford it just so his baby would have nourishment, but if anything; he would _always_ take his vitamins. Even if he couldn't afford to pay for his heating, he would buy his vitamins first and maybe a pack of Ensure on the side.

It gets hard, he will admit. He doesn't even have much at home, the basic utilities in the kitchen that came with the apartment, a dingy, recycled couch and coffee table set in the living room and a thrift store mattress on the floor of his room. The small amount of change that he could save up was for the nursery that he would indulge in. Even if he couldn't have anything, he wanted his baby girl to have everything.

Refocusing, Nora gave Castiel a sad, small, smile. She moved her hand from his forehead to his cheek, thumbing at his cheekbone. She sighed in resignation and nodded at him.

“Okay, well; no time for slacking,” she winked. “We have to spruce up the place, it’s Christmas time.” With a clap of her hands, she turned around and Castiel watched her retreating back going towards the employee room; snow dusting off her jacket and long strands of blonde hair. Castiel rubbed his aching back with his right hand and his belly softly with his left hand, looking down and cooing lightly at his stomach.

“You’ll be here probably around Christmas, baby. Only about a month left, Sweetheart.” He smiled shyly before looking up at the sound of the bell. Work, work, work. He worked on auto throughout the day; it was the only way he could get by, but it was worth it.

 

His doctor, Pamela Barnes, estimated that baby girl, Hael Mary Novak, would be born on Christmas. It made his heart jump whenever he thought about the coming day that he would finally be able to welcome his love and joy to the world as a Christmas gift. He couldn't believe that he struggled and prevailed the past 7 months on his own, but he did it. He was proud of himself.

He remembered clearly what had happened that lead to the conceiving of Hael. It was Spring Break of Junior year and Benny, a friend of Dean’s and a member of the football team, was throwing a party. It was apparently a miracle of some sort that his parents were gone for some business trip or some other. It wasn’t anything Castiel really understood, anyways.

At first, Castiel didn’t want to go. He wanted to stay at home and study for his finals that were coming in 2 months time, but Dean absolutely refused to let him sit at home and stare at a book all night.

 _“C’mon, Cas! Just_ one _night. Pleeaaasssssseeeeeeee?” Dean had driven over to Castiel’s house, despite the protests of a very drunk John Winchester; and begged Castiel to go to the party with him. John used to adore Castiel, but that was before he found out that Castiel was openly gay. It was subtle, but Castiel could feel the difference in the attitude and the way John had talked and looked at him after that moment. It was no surprise at what that little tidbit of information could do to his perception after loving another boy like his own son for a decade._

_Castiel rolled his eyes halfheartedly and went back to his book._

_“For the last time, Dean, no. I don’t want to go to a party where I don’t fit in just so I can be bombarded with loud music, hormonal, stupid teenagers, and drunkards; which, by the way, is illegal in the first place.” Dean sighed dejectedly, before pulling out his trump card. The trump card that Castiel had never been able to resist… Dean’s puppy eyes. It was sinful to how… pathetic Dean looked just by putting on pouty lips and puppy eyes that could rival his own little brother’s, Sam (and those were lethal.)_

_Castiel puffed, glaring at Dean with no malice. “Fine. I’ll go to your stupid party.” All his annoyance had dissipated at the sight of his million dollar smile and the crushing hug he had received in surprise._

_It was about 11 at night when Dean and Castiel pulled up to Benny’s house. It was hidden in the woods so there were no real neighbors or distractions for a full blown out party. Music was thumping so loudly, that Castiel could hear it from the start of Benny’s long driveway. Teenagers were spilling out from the large, three story, cabin resort home and they all seemed to be too preoccupied and drawn in to conversation to realize that Castiel was walking into the home._

_Once inside, Castiel was slapped in the face with the scent of smoke, and not the wood-burning smoke, either, sweat, alcohol and a disgusting mixture of artificial scents and everything else combined. Castiel stood close to Dean, making sure he was in range. It was disorienting, and Castiel had no clue what was going on until Benny and a large group of jocks came to greet Dean._

_“Dean! Glad you could make it, brotha’.” Benny pulled Dean into a cross-body hug before slapping his back once. Pulling away, Dean nodded to the others around them._

_“Of course, Benny. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Dean flashed the team a smile before he noticed that all eyes, most not friendly, were pointed at Castiel who was sheepishly hiding behind him._

_“And who’s this? Castiel, right? Dean brought you as a plus one?” Benny raised an eyebrow at Castiel who nodded silently in return. Benny shrugged before turning back to Dean.  “Relax, get a drink, have a good time; am I right?” Dean laughed, shaking his head in fondness. “Let’s go get you and Castiel here a drink.” Wrapping an arm around Dean’s shoulders, he dragged him back towards a crowd of people before disappearing from a group of people, leaving him alone with a bunch of strangers and a group of jocks with a ravaging look on their faces._

_Castiel didn’t mind Benny. He never gave Castiel shit for who he was, but it was the other handful of guys that would make him quiver in his shoes. Gordon, Kubrick, Marv, Dick, and Zachariah. They were all pompous assholes with rich families and believed that they could do anything and everything they want without being punished. It didn’t help that they were star players for the Lions that they were practically immune to punishment in school, including bullying and harassing Castiel. It was maddening and outright annoying, and he wanted to catch a break for just once in his life. Of course, he wasn’t given that option when they started trash talking him now that he didn’t have Dean to protect him from the oncoming threats and insults._

_“Filthy, faggot. Clinging onto Dean like a lovesick puppy.”_

_“You better stay away from him before you spread the gay.”_

_“Nobody wants you here. Who would want a queer here, anyways?”_

_It was minutes and Castiel waited throughout the onslaught of insults for Dean to reappear, but Castiel was still alone. He rolled his eyes and gritted his teeth, clenching his fist before abruptly walking away from the group to go and find Dean. He found him easily enough in the large kitchen, chugging from a long, 100 oz. yard glass. There were two girls, one on both of his sides, hanging off of his shoulder and slotting themselves to his side as he expertly drinks down more than half of the glass._

_Castiel sighed. This was why he didn’t want to come to the stupid party in the first place. If Dean was drinking, who knew what would happen, and Castiel would be alone doing nothing. Turning around, he walked away from the group of teenagers changing out, “Chug, chug, chug, chug…” and headed towards the stairs to find a room to sit in. If he couldn’t be with his best friend, then the second best thing is to hide out in a room from the endless line of bullies and just play games on his phone._

_It was a horrific process, of course. He walked into multiple rooms, either with loud moans or screams for him to get out, and he walked into storage closets and bathrooms before finding a room in the darkest and quietest part of the house. He closed the door behind him before walking over to the queen sized bed in the middle of the room. He toed off his shoes and slid on top of the covers, resting his head on the pillow as he pulled out his phone. It was nearing midnight and his phone was close to dying, so he decided to get a couple of levels through Candy Crush before his phone would die on him._

_Eventually, like all good things, Castiel’s only distraction was gone. His phone let out a shrill and then it died right there and then in his hands in the middle of a level. He chewed on his bottom lip in frustration and cursed his best friend under his breath for dragging him to the one thing he knew he would hate, all for the sake of the absent, but supposedly there, “fun.” Castiel turned in his spot and decided, if anything, a nap would probably be nice. Slowly, his eyes drifted closed and he fell into a dreamless sleep._

_If it wasn’t the sound of the door clicking closed, Castiel would have slept on. It felt as if he only had minutes of sleep, but when he looked up, he saw Dean stumbling into the room, trying to pull off his shoes and climb into bed._

_“Dean? What time is it?” Said man tripped, landing onto the bedpost before snickering to himself._

_“Shhhhh… quiet, Cas. Youuu’rreee sleeepinnnng.” He began to cackle quietly and clamored onto the bed. “It’s only 3.” Dean leaned over Castiel’s body and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “I’m…_ drunk! _” Castiel reeled back at the smell of alcohol from his breath, frowning in response._

_“I see that, Dean. Now go to sleep.” Castiel tried to push him over to the other side, but Dean kept a strong base, staying level over Castiel’s face. He leaned closer, close enough that Castiel could feel the warmth from his face and the breath coming in short and shallow at his mouth. It was a moment before Castiel realized that Dean was kissing him. Dean Winchester, titty-loving extraordinaire, was kissing Castiel. All too soon, Dean was pulling back. Castiel pushed backwards with an excuse ready at his tongue before he heard the eight words that temporarily stopped his heart._

_“Finally,” Dean sighed, “I have wanted to do that forever.” Castiel looked up to see shiny, glazed, emerald green eyes looking at him through the dark. It felt as if he was possessed, a bold move that he would never in his life dream of doing, but in a haze and a brief moment of courage, he gripped the Dean’s nape and pulled him down to crash their mouths together. It was all teeth and tongue and Castiel’s first kiss, but he couldn’t care any less. Dean was kissing him._

_It wasn’t long before the two boys had both of their clothes ripped off, Castiel on his knees, burying his face into his arms to suppress the moans coming from his mouth as Dean ate him out with his skillful tongue and thick, calloused fingers._

_“More, Dean! More!” Castiel moaned out, before he was flipped over, staring back at his best friend. His_ drunk _best friend. He thinks he’s going to regret this in the morning, but at the moment, nothing else seemed to matter except getting Dean’s prick up his ass. Dean leaned back on his heels, observing his work as Castiel laid there looking debauched. Cock flushed red and curved up towards his belly, legs spread wide as Castiel spread his arms out, hoping that Dean would come forward and continue in what they were doing._

 _“_ Deaaaaaannnn… _” Castiel saw a smirk flash across Dean’s face as he leaned forward, bracing his arms around Castiel’s head, and kissed him softly._

_“Just a moment, baby.” Castiel’s heart was beating so loudly, he truly believed that Dean could hear it in the dark. He felt his whole body flush in response until he felt a slight nudge of a blunt head breaching his tight muscle. Dean was shushing him, pecking him multiple times on the mouth._

_“Relax, babe. Relax, it’s just me.” Castiel felt his whole body calm, feeling as he began to feel full to the brim. Dean was well endowed, large in both length and girth, and it filled Castiel until it felt like he would burst. It hurt at first, but as seconds passed, it just felt exhilarating. It felt as if Castiel was finally a complete puzzle, Dean being the missing piece. It felt as if nothing else mattered in the world because Dean was finally in his arms, making sweet love to him._

_Without a word, Dean began to shift his hips in and out. Honestly, it felt odd, but with Dean being there, it felt amazing. Castiel wrapped his legs around Dean’s waist, wrapping his arms around his neck and scratching down his back in both pain and pleasure. Finding his timing and rhythm, Castiel began to push back onto Dean as he surged forward and grinded his hips into Castiel’s ass. It wasn’t until he felt a shock run up his spine did he understand the true meaning of pleasure in sex. Castiel gasped out in shock, latching onto Dean with his fingernails and biting down on his shoulder._

_“Again,” Castiel whispered out into Dean’s ear. Dean pushed back in, twisting and turning his hips before he brushed up against that spot again. Castiel cried out in pleasure, and before long, Dean was sitting up on his knees, pushing Castiel’s legs over his shoulder, changing angles until he was hitting that one spot over and over again. It was too much for Castiel to handle, and before long, he was coming untouched in long, white, ropes across his stomach, some reaching his face. He felt himself turn to jelly as he allowed Dean to continue to pound into him like a toy—no not a toy—a lover. Castiel could barely register the feeling of being filled with burning, hot liquid as Dean stilled over his body. Castiel laid there, trembling and exhausted, too tired to try and clean himself up._

_It was as if a light flip was switched when Dean cursed out loud, scrambling to get out of the bed._

_“No, no, no, no, no…_ fuck! _” He turned quickly, picking up his clothes and tossing them on, leaving Castiel to sit there, frozen. He felt his blood turn to ice as he watched his best friend panic._

_“Dean?” Dean turned swiftly to look at Castiel, and through the dim light coming from outside, he could see the fear and regret flashing through his eyes. Dean strode up to Castiel, still laying in bed naked, and pressed in close, a wild look in his eyes._

_“_ We _,” gesturing with a finger back and forth between them, “did not do this. We didn’t do anything. And you’re not telling anyone, okay?” Castiel stared at Dean, wide eyed and in shock. He knew it, he ruined his friendship with Dean and now that he was having a freak out, he was going to walk out the door and never come back. Dean snapped his fingers in front of Castiel’s face, impatiently. “Okay!?” Castiel barely felt himself nod before Dean was out the door, leaving Castiel to break down and cry in his own mess._

Of course, Dean acted like nothing was different the next day. He acted as if they were still best friends like they have been previous nights before, and that they hadn’t had sex. Of course, Dean started to clam up and leave Castiel in defeat when people would call him names about being gay and such. It was the little things that started to slowly break his heart and make him clearly see that Dean was, in fact, greatly affected by their night of one-sided drunken fervor.  For Castiel, it was all real.

Over the week, eventually everything became normal again. Dean was Dean and Castiel put on a brave face and faced his best friend with the same demeanor as he had before. He even hid from Dean whenever he felt sick, throwing up from smells and constant nausea. It wasn’t until he read the positive symbols on all 5 pregnancy tests that he remembered that Dean hadn’t used protection. For the rest of that night, he cried quietly into his pillows as he went over in his mind what would happen from now on.

Castiel’s parents had found his pregnancy tests, of course. There was much yelling and throwing of glass that Castiel blacked out, everything prior being a blur. When he came to, he saw the state of the kitchen and living room, and the look of disappointment and hatred coming from all members of his family. He pulled himself up from the floor and saw his father pointing a finger up the stairs.

 _“Pack your things. Pack your things and get out of my house. You are not welcome here.”_ Tears prickled behind his eyes and he ran up the stairs, throwing things in his suitcase and wiping away the moisture from his face. It was quick and messy, and Castiel didn’t have time to spare to care before he was rushing down the stairs and running out the door. Soon enough, he found himself on the front porch of Dean’s home and hoping and praying that it wasn’t awkward enough to keep him out. Sure enough, the Winchesters, minus John, welcomed Castiel in with open arms.

 

It was the same deal with Dean, too. Like his parents, he blew up. It was about a month and a week into pregnancy that Castiel managed to bring up the reason why he was kicked out of his home.

_“Do you know what this could do to me, Castiel!?” Castiel flinched at the use of his full name. Dean hadn’t used his full name since he first met him in Kindergarten._

_“We’re graduating next year! I want to go to college, I want to play football. I can’t have you dragging me down. How could you do this to me!?” Castiel was fuming when he finally wrenched himself away from Dean’s perimeter._

_“How could I_ do _this to you? How could I_ let _you come into that room, drunk off of your fucking ass, and_ FUCK _me!?” Dean was wide eyed at Castiel’s cursing, something he had never really done before schooling it with anger._

_“You can’t tell anybody that it’s mine. I don’t want anything to do with it.” With that, Castiel’s heart shattered into a million pieces. Without another word, he pushed passed Dean to grab his suitcase from their—no, Dean’s—closet, and began again the familiar process of stuffing clothes into his bag. Luckily, with the money he had saved before, he had been able to pay off the down payment for the apartment and he held a position for the job at the Gas n’ Sip. Now, he was glad that he hadn’t told Dean where he was going to live and work. He finished zipping up the bag when he felt a large hand grab his arm. Castiel yanked his arm away and turned, before slapping Dean on the face, hard._

_“I_ LOVED _you, you stupid,_ STUPID _, bastard!” Dean was staring at his feet, one hand braced against his bruising cheek. Castiel couldn’t see anything past his tears as he grabbed his bag and rushed out of his room, ignoring Sam and Mary’s questions and concerns. He ran, and he kept running until he found himself at the edge of town where he was supposed to live. His feet hurt, his chest and lungs hurt, but eventually, when he got through and received his keys. He walked into his new apartment, broke down, and allowed himself to cry._

_He was thankful he packed a blanket in with his clothing during the rush because he had no furniture in his apartment. He laid there on the blanket throughout the weekend, and come Monday, he was freshly showered and he felt as if he could face the day. He felt as if he was rubbed raw, spread too thin, but Junior year was ending and he needed to finish strong. It was hard, commuting to school. He had no means of transportation and he didn’t know the bus system in the area, so he tried to walk to school every day. It was an hour and a half long walk every morning to get to and from school, and that wasn’t the hard part. He had to ignore Dean in what classes he had and in the halls. He had to stay away from their usual meet up spots and he walked the long way to class to avoid him. He ate lunch by himself under the bleachers and he walked to and from his classes as quickly as possible._

_It worked that way for a while, and he also began his job. Timing was terrible and although Nora was lenient, between jobs and school, the pressure began to build. Eventually the school year ended without any more disasters and he realized, he couldn’t keep doing this to himself. He couldn’t ignore work in favor of school and vise-versa, so the day after, Castiel dropped out and resigned himself from high school. He focused, instead, on work and earning money._

_Over time, he learned how to manage his time between work and furnishing his apartment. He found a cheap mattress at the thrift shop and Nora offered to lug it over in her beat up, red pick up truck. He searched dumpster areas and such for useable furniture, such as couches and tables and chairs. It was sad how people threw away perfectly useable things, but it was a goldmine out there for him. Over time, his apartment filled up with mixed-match furniture, but he didn’t care if it was ugly. It was his._

“Castiel.” He turned around to see Nora walking up to him with something behind her back.

“Yes, Ms. Clarke?” She sighed, smiling at his reverted respect. She walked up to him, nervously, fidgety.

“I know that it’s still early. But I wanted to give this to you.” Pulling out an envelope, thick with money, Castiel’s eyes went wide. He shook his head, trying to refuse it before she shoved it into his hands.

“I can’t take this from you. It’s too much!” Castiel was torn between looking between the stack of cash in the envelope and her loving, blue eyes. They weren’t as blue as Castiel’s, but they were a sight to be seen. Castiel was gay, but he had eyes and he saw that Nora was an absolutely beautiful woman who had recently had a child, too. The moment he set eyes on her, working hard for her job and for her baby, he had a new found respect for her.

“Think of it as… an early Christmas bonus.” Castiel was shocked, there was over $500 in the envelope, which along with his paycheck, was more than enough for the heater to be turned back on and for him to eat an adequate meal for the first time in a week. He could get Hael a toy for when she comes, and he couldn’t help but let a few tears fall from his eyes as Nora wrapped her arms around his body, careful about the baby bump. She shushed and hummed quietly to him until he calmed down enough to look up at her.

“Thank you so much, Ms. Clarke. I can… I can finally get Hael proper equipment for when she comes. I can finally pay off the heating bill… I can…” his voice cracked as he wrapped his arms around Nora and cried into her shoulder.

It felt like forever, and the pounding behind his eyes eventually ebbed away. Nora rubbed his back up and down before leaning back and kissing him on the forehead. She was about to open her mouth before the bell of the door chimed, indicating that a customer walked in. Nora gave him one last hug, smiling before walking backwards,

“I’ll leave you to do your work now.” He smiled back at her shyly, looking down at the packet in his hands.

“$30 for gas and I’d like some beef jerky.” Castiel’s eyes shot up at the sound of the man’s voice and saw the familiar head of blonde, military cropped hair before said man’s green eyes looked up in shock. Castiel’s mouth opened and shut like a fish out of water and Dean stared back, obviously in shock.

“Cas.” The familiar moniker snapped a string in Castiel and he let out a sob, quickly covering it up with the noises of the cash register. He kept his eyes down and at the numbers on the register.

“Hello Dean… That will be $36.36, please.” When Dean didn’t make a move to pay, Castiel looked up to see Dean looking at Castiel’s midsection. He suddenly felt self conscious, trying to pull his vest, and failing to cover his belly.

“Is that…” Dean began.

“Yes.” His mouth snapped shut and he bore his green eyes into Castiel’s stormy blue ones. He couldn’t handle staring at those familiar green eyes anymore, so he moved it to the smattering of freckles across the bridge of his nose. Dean was beautiful in the best of ways, and Castiel still loved and missed Dean.

“Can I…”

“Yes.” Castiel interrupted, before turned to the side and making his way to walk around the barrier. Dean watched the whole time, struggling to keep his eyes either on the best friend he abandoned, or his baby, no. He or she was _their_ baby. Dean stepped forward, keeping Castiel on the defensive before calloused, reverent hands began to caress his belly. Castiel felt a strong kick coming from Hael, and from the sounds of Dean’s sharp inhale, he must have felt it, too.

It was too quiet and it felt as if time was dragging itself too long before Dean’s familiar arms were wrapped around him tight, mindful of the belly and his face was pushed into his neck, hidden from Castiel’s view.

“You were gone. I thought you disappeared for good, or even di—“ Dean’s voice choked and Castiel felt a wetness seeping through his collar from where Dean hid his face. It was a surprise. Dean had never really cried before, except the one time he got Sam hurt jumping off the rooftop, and Dean was too emotionally constipated to really show his feelings.

“I looked for you. Everywhere. I regret it. I regret everything and rejecting you and rejecting our baby. I’m so sorry.” Castiel silently and hesitantly wrapped his arms around Dean, feeling tears prick behind his eyes. His heart swell and broke at the same time at Dean’s confession, but it still hurt. Castiel was still tense, still unsure of how to take the change of his day, instead he took to chewing his lip and biting his tongue.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.” Castiel felt small kisses being left in a trail on the juncture of his neck and he moved to card his fingers through Dean’s hair, forgiveness somehow already reaching out and accepting Dean as he is. Dean called him baby, a term of affection, which meant Dean wasn’t ashamed of who he was. At least, not anymore.

Nora, who was watching in the background, silently pushed them towards the back of the store towards the lounge so she could man the register while the two got their problems worked out. It was a relief, not to have to worry about a customer walking in and interrupting their moment. Dean kept an arm wrapped around Castiel’s waist as they moved over, and once in the quiet of the room, he turned to be in front of him and looked,  _really_ looked at Castiel. He hadn’t noticed the slightly gaunt look and the paleness of his skin. He looked like he had a tussle with a monster the night before with messy, matte hair and dark, almost black, bags under his eyes. It’s the first time he’s seen his best friend and the love of his life in half a year, and he regrets ever telling him to leave.

Castiel stood in front of Dean, fidgeting with his fingers and swaying side to side with the shift of his feet. He didn’t know what to say to Dean and he wasn’t sure what to feel with the myriad of feelings pulsing through him; so the first thing he blurts out, he instantly regrets it with the look of rejection from Dean’s face.

“Why are you here?” Castiel stared into the moss green eyes that flashed through his dream the night previous in his little bouts of sleep. Dean’s jaw was slack, open with words on his tongue but never leaving his mouth. He looked down at his shoes and stepped back.

“I’m sorry. I had no idea you were here, honestly. I was going out to maybe… look for you, again. I can go if you want.”

“No!” Castiel screamed out, startling both Dean and himself as he reached out and grabbed onto his jacket sleeve. Avoiding Dean’s eyes, he muttered to himself, “I lost you once before, I won’t lose you again. Not this time.” Dean shyly smiled, slowly moving to wrap his arms around Castiel’s lithe form once again. Moments of silence passed and Castiel felt a flush creeping from his neck upwards. He could smell Dean’s heady scent of motor oil, leather and freshly made apple pie. It was so Dean like that it just made him relax as a whole.

“What’s… What’s the baby’s name?” Castiel heard Dean ask quietly. He blushed, not knowing how Dean would react to Hael’s name, but it didn’t matter. If Dean had a problem, then he’d have to deal with it since Castiel was the baby’s only parent figure so far throughout the pregnancy.

“Hael… Hael Mary.” Dean chuckled lightly into Castiel’s ear.

“ _Say a little prayer for you_?” Dean singsonged. Castiel rolled his eyes, huffing in amusement that Dean would joke about their daughter’s name. Dean pulled back, looking at Castiel in the eyes with adoration and love.

“Hael… Mary. A daughter?” He choked out. Castiel could only nod, feeling the burning in his eyes.

“I love it. I love it you… stupid, _idiot_. And I love you. And her. I will always love her. So don’t you ever leave me again, Cas.” Castiel stared back at Dean, sighing in relief that Dean would still want him despite the fact that Dean told him that he had basically ruined his life. But no, Dean still wanted him, and he loved Castiel and their daughter.

“I could never leave you even if I wanted to. I love you.” With a pull, Castiel was drawn in for a soft touch of lips, the chasteness of it burning through his heart and he realized that all this time, the missing piece of his life was this.

His home was never really at his apartment, it was never with his family; it was always this. As long as he had Dean, his love, in his life, he would forever be complete.

**Author's Note:**

> If you read through it all, I hope you enjoyed parts, if not all of it.  
> I know, it's typical for a high school fic, but you know what? I don't care. (:
> 
> so Kudos/Comments, pl0x. 
> 
> I would highly appreciate it. And love you, forever and ever and ever and ever... you know what I mean. I will offer you my first born, if that's what you want. (Or if that's your thing.)  
> But that's besides the point.  
> Peace and thanks, bitches!


End file.
